Thursday, May 1, 2008

My Testimony

Recently I was asked to share my testimony at our ladies' Spring Fling at church. I was both humbled and honored to be asked. The focus was personal devotional time. This is what God put on my heart.

Prayer and God’s word are parts of my everyday. While it IS something I know I should do, it is also the result of a deep need within me to connect with my Jesus. I am also very aware of my need of Him throughout my day and so I talk with Him throughout my day.

I’ve often struggled with how much Bible reading is enough reading; how long a prayer is enough praying. When I let God still my thoughts, I realize that what God is most concerned with is my relationship with him. It is my openness to him that is vital. Spilling out the good, bad and the ugly in my life before Him. Earnestly praising Him for all that He is - his faithfulness, his mercy, his sovereignty. Entreating His will in all aspects of my life, holding nothing back, laying my soul bare to His direction.

In July of 2001, I had a misscarriage. I remember feeling God's love surrounding me during this time. Yet, it was such a time of grief and shock. I asked God to use this experience to change me for His glory. He did proceed to reveal things to me. I wanted God to use this hard experience to refine me to become a more useful vessel.

Fast forward to 2006. This was the year we began our adoption process. Our dossier was complete by the end of that year and was logged in at CCAA on January 18, 2007. In June of 2007, God led us to Miah. As everyone who has been through the adoption process knows, your lives are under a microscope. Key aspects of your life are documented, notorized, certified and authenticated in your dossier. Ideally you want NO major life changes to occur until your adopted child is safely home. ANY major change has to again be documented, etc. In an already slow process, changes can slow things down even more. By August of 2007, we had been deep into the process for over a year. That month, we found out that Ira's company was merging with anther company. A change in job and income is a substantial change. During that weekend I knew that the worst thing that could happen would be that we could no longer adopt Miah. At best, we would have to put the adoption on hold. My heart felt like it was bleeding. I thought of Job. I KNOW that our situation was not as devastating as his, but I have always been struck by Job's response to his situation. In his despair, he praised God. In his misery, he blessed God's name. So I praised God, despite all the uncertainty in our situation. I blessed His name, despite the outcome. My faithful God proceeded to work out details that could ONLY have been His doing. As you all know the adoption went forward due entirely to the hand of my faithful God.

I pray and seek Him even when I feel un-spiritual. I choose to believe in Him and trust Him to lead me even when He feels far away. God is real, God is present, God is in control.

The result of intentional, personal devotional time with God results in wonders in my life that I may not see until eternity. It also increases my awareness of His presence and sufficiency in all areas of my life. It reminds me of the good of His will and both humbles and thrills me, that He loves me so much.

My God is faithful,
My God is dependable,
My God is passionate about the details of my life,
My God adores me,
Blessed be the name of the LORD.


Teresa Sappington said...

Reading your testimony was so moving. I know that you have come through some very trying times over the past year. Between family illnesses (both mine and yours), adjusting family dynamics changes, and uncertainty with jobs you could have sat down and had a huge pity party. However, I've seen you persevere with a smile and a word of encouragement for all of us. You are a true testament to what God can do in one person's life to impact other people. I love you.


Michelle said...

How beautiful!!! Thanks for sharing, you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself through words!